letting go

**I wrote this a few months ago and am able to finish it only now**


I've had this post building up in me the past couple of days, and I think I have it Sorted Out enough to write it now, and share it publicly without offending anyone and still being true to myself.

I'm 28; I feel like I have entered another chapter of life, this, the late 20's. The friendships I had at the beginning of this decade have changed, friends are married, more established in their careers, with more degrees under their belt- Great Life Achievements have been made, have been found. Houses have been bought, sold, cars, the same, more countries explored, babies born, babies died, cancer found, death of parents, war, languages learned etc.

I have changed. Incredibly so. My family has changed. Things I thought would never change when I was 20, have completely flipped around and left me with no ground underneath my feet, with only the understanding that this is common for all earthly things.

And this is good. And bad, and horrible, and splendid and wretched; this is life.

In realizing all this I've also realized friendships need room to grow, to change, to morph; in some cases distance needs to happen, and the close friendship I might have once enjoyed, may never exist with that person again. Even when it seemed, not so long ago, that the friendship would never change; indeed, it is part of life to accept that it will most definitely change.

And this is not limited to friends, but also to family.

It's important, I feel, to recognize that this happens. And to recognize when it is good that this happens, and bad when this happens. And to take the appropriate measures to fix it when it is bad. But, people change, I change- and it is necessary to let room in the relationship for a new kind of relationship with that person, or else you may lose the person, or the relationship, forever.

I apologize if this is vague, but it is true of nearly every single one of my friendships. I find, mostly, that my friendships from high school have remained the most unchanged- for whatever reason. We, as individuals, have all changed immensely, but our friendships have remained largely the same. I'm not sure why this has happened, other than I don't think we have many expectations for our friendships. We have kept it simple- have allowed each other to grow, allowed our selves to grow, and our friendships to shift and still find ourselves there for each other when it is needed. Also, we care deeply about each other- enough to forgive completely and to be there in our life crises. And we are all crazy creative in the same way and just generally get each other. So despite being countries apart, each living uniquely separate and independent lives, we still remain friends. What I am trying to say is that a large part of this has come not from the exact constant closeness we have shared, but rather from the space and freedom we have allowed each other.

I think there is more to be learned about this, and inevitably I will morph this conviction as the years go on. But for now I am italicizing like Anne of Green Gables and her school day writings, which is my clue to stop.