the utter agony of being inside.

This week is a gorgeous summer week- one that you can only hope for, and if you get it, even one day, you would be spiteful to miss being outdoors all day. Upper 70s, cool breeze, sunny with no clouds in sight. All week!!!!

Ugh.

I went to the doctor today for my mono check up and got the OK on the swollen spleen and liver and they also took some blood to make sure the liver is back to normal. I told him about biking and he said yeah.... take it easy. He's not too eager for me to start working out again. But, well, it's just so HARD to be inside this week. I think I might go for a run tomorrow becauseeee....

my bike is a bit of a mess right now. It needs a tune up quite terribly. The wheels are wobbly, the chain is dirty, and only one set of brakes works. And the tires are nearly flat. Fantastic, though, I got a Groupon last week to Copenhagen Cyclery for a complete tune up worth 75 dollars but I'm only going to pay 25!!! I love Groupon. It makes dreams come true.

After I get my bike fixed up, I will be riding all over. I want to eventually teach myself to give my bike a tune up on my own, but I will only think of that once my research is done for good. You can only learn so many new things at once..... ballet, guitar, jewelry-making, and triathlons are enough for now.

Also, my camera is broken so there won't be any pictures on the blog for awhile, but here enjoy this one I took yesterday with EJ's camera when we did a photoshoot for some new jewelry I made that is in the Etsy shop now:

screw mono and my swollen spleen, i'm going for a bike ride.

Just got back, in fact.

It. Was. Brutal.

Before I even put shoe to pedal, I told myself: only 30 minutes. I don't care how good it feels to be out on a beautiful sunny summer afternoon flying along at top speeds on your bike, which you haven't ridden in nearly two months, only 30 minutes. And that includes the bike to the lake.

I didn't have to set any time limits. 15 minutes in I decided to take a break and stare at the gorgeous blue lake for about 5 minutes, and drink half my water bottle. I don't know if it's the 80 degree weather or the fact that I haven't biked in so long, but it's like starting all over again. 15 minutes on the bike and I'm panting hard.

pistons of doom, pistons of doom. my legs are pistons of doom.

The good thing is that my legs don't hurt. It was more the oxygen and racing heart that slowed me down. still, it felt really good. Even though I had to weave in between DOZENS of people, including rollerbladers HOLDING HANDS taking up the entire way, and children swordfighting with balloon swords and people who just didn't give a damn about where they walked or getting out of your way, I love the lake. and the blue expanse of sky and golden sunlight and I even love the effort it takes to bike and have my lungs scream for mercy.

because I won't be able to do this forever. and a few weeks ago I couldn't. so I am blessed to be able to bike today.

my watch

Let me start this post by stating outright that time has never been my friend. Perhaps I don't respect it enough, don't realize it's value, or just find almost everything else more important, or perhaps it just isn't on my side. I call wearing watches being "shackled to time," handcuffed to it's whims and bound to it's measurement of life. I've been criticized since kindergarten for being late, late, late! Detentions, demerits, lectures on the value of time and the disrespect shown to others when I am late, fights with friends, docked grades- all have, in 27 years, failed to teach me to respect time.

I should take a moment to state that I am, surprisingly and ridiculously and for the most part reliably on time for jobs and classes. Duly noted.

SO. One of the first things I did when I decided to do a triathlon, is buy a watch- a stopwatch, even. I know! And I even wore it every day. I know!

Have I been more on time since wearing a stopwatch every day? nah. In fact, I use it mostly to time how long public transportation or cabs take, or walking, or I time people walking by, or the I time the seconds between waves... I really like the stopwatch feature. It can turn almost anything into a game.

Of course it is also my lifeline during difficult runs, bikes, and swims. It told me exactly how much longer I needed to keep going, how much I had improved, and how much further I had to my goals. Many times in the cold of winter with 20 mph icy headwinds I would roll up my sleeve and desperately will my watch to tell me I was almost done with the run. If there was a camera on it, it would show my face in despair and pain during a difficult workout, in joy as I completed a lap faster than the one before, and in freeing bliss in the middle of a wild bike ride along the lake.

My watch became a constant friend on my wrist- a loyal witness to all my ups and downs. And, I took it off for the past three weeks. It's absence has been palpable, like a missing limb, and time has just flowed by, my body given a break from time to fight the virus, hours, days, weeks, blending into one.

Tomorrow, however, I will wear the watch again. The break is over; it is time to start training again. Tomorrow I start over.

on not exercising.

I can't begin to explain how frustrating not exercising is. I went to the pool at my apartment complex today and some guys were swimming and I wanted nothing more than to jump in a do a few laps myself... but was resigned to sit at the poolside and read. It was so frustrating I left after a few minutes. I used to break up my day with a run or bike along the lake and feel so much better after I got back that I could sit down and concentrate on the rest of my day. It was like the run or bike would empty my mind and body of all the thoughts jostling around and make room for creative ideas. Now the thoughts are just jostling around with no hope of being cleaned out. Exercise became a way to dust my mind off and fill me with ideas. And, oddly, it's really only in it's absence that I notice how important it became.

I'd love to just run outside and play some beach volleyball, badminton, kick a soccer ball around, throw a Frisbee, go hiking or camping, swim in the lake, run, bike, anything! When I can train again I'm going to do it with a vengeance to make up on this time missed.

ugh. patience.

Rainy day joys

I have an affinity for "bad" weather- summer storms, winter storms, rain, snow, sleet- makes me undeniably, ridiculously giddy.

maybe i could turn this into a mono blog

I was feeling great friday, but since then, haven't been able to get a whole lot of sleep. I can't sleep during the day- I can't fall asleep at night, and I am, consistently tired. And its not just the tired-from-lack-of-sleep (after all, i still get at least 8 hours a night)- its the body-fighting-virus exhaustion all over. And yet, my body won't sleep. go fig.

So, I've had enough. Either my body sleeps like it's supposed to, or I'm just going to go on with my daily activities (minus the exercise). Today I'm going to finish my website, do 5 loads of laundry, do the dishes, go grocery shopping, and dye my hair just because I am so bored and what do I do when I get bored? Dye my hair. This is the longest (about a year) that I've gone without dyeing my hair, so that's saying something.

My goodness even my blog is boring. Someone amuse me quick.

doldrums

So...... .... .... ......... .. ..... . having infectious mono is boring.

i could REALLY use a long bike ride.

Last week I had lots of fun complications with the mono involving my liver, which meant I spent part of my days and nights on the bathroom floor vomiting... tmi? Anyway, that fun is all over, and today is the first day I feel "normal". My tonsils no longer look like a drawing assignment on the manifestation of infectious mononucleosis, and I'm not super exhausted or nauseous. So, I walked to the bank today, which was pretty much the most exercise I have done in the past 3 weeks. I really want to walk to the lake right now but know better. It would probably be too much for one day.

A word on how I got mono- I have NO idea. I don't know anyone who has it, I haven't kissed anyone in months, and I am the ultimate germaphobe when it comes to sharing utensils and drinks. I blame public transportation.

Does anyone know if you can do situps with mono? I'm pretty sure my spleen isn't enlarged, but the doc did say no running for awhile in case of rupture. No more fist fighting either.

It's really something else to have your life completely stopped. And let's face it, I haven't hated it. I don't have to see people, I have so much time to think, and just exist. Also, I didn't go home, and there's some sort of confidence knowing that I can still fend for myself in the city even with mono. My roommates helped me out with groceries and my friend brought over chicken noodle soup, and went with me to one of my dr visits, but mostly, it's been me taking care of me. I feel strong. Like I could move to London all by myself and be OK.

I feel the need for an adventure. The need is like an itch. This idea of London is growing...

Anyway, as for the tri... I will try to do the Aug tri in Chicago, but I am concerned- I don't have much time to train- less than 2 months, and I'm not sure what the doctor would say. Sad times. I WILL get a tri in this year!!!! I WILL!! I'm sure those muscles I worked so hard for those past 4 months are still here somewhere....