when you know you know

i am a risk taker.

but sometimes, out on that ledge, that precarious high shelf, i get so scared, and i tremble and cry out for God to spare me... but if he doesn't and this becomes clear that this is where i must be, i stay and peer over the ledge.

sometimes that's the only way to know, the only way to really really know, the way to go on the right path.

and it's sad, that sometimes i have to be teetering out on that ledge, that the ledge is where I am being led, where the answers will finally come. but sometimes that's the way life has to go, sometimes this ledge is the only place where i will find the answers, and i refuse to shrink back.

so i went there, i looked from the ledge into the abyss and saw the lions licking their eager teeth, i saw the vultures circling in the sky, heard the rumble of coming storms, and tasted the sulfurous air. but across the abyss i saw the clear skies, the potential and hopes and possibilities. then i saw the thin, ragged rope which he's (again) offered me so i can cross, but this time, it's not enough. i need a sturdy bridge, or bulkhead, something to hold on to when the storms arrive and threaten to knock me off that ledge. i need a convincing argument, i need to see a fight in his eyes, and if that thin rope is all he wants to offer... all he can offer... then i withdraw.

i am a risk taker.

but i'm not a fool.