wind in leaves

i can't begin to explain to you how much of my heart belongs to the wild, to the untamed, the outdoors. I am most comfortable hiking through deep woods, looking out over a field, or the lake, or up at a sky full of stars. I never feel more loved by God than when I look at the stars, placed with such care, with such love, with such attention to detail. They whisper to me, I love you, look at My glory, love Me. so this weekend camping in Door County has left me full of the sun, empty of the city, full of green, and full of birdsong, empty of the haggardness of city living.

 

I want to try camping alone. I wish I had a dog to camp with. I wish I had a front lawn, all my own. I wish I could lean up on trees with no one to see, and clamber over rocks to get to point B. I wish I could refresh myself in lakes and ponds. I wish this were all part of my daily life.

I don't really know what to do with all these wishes.

All I know is the weekend spent in nature reaffirmed something that has been nagging at me, recently. It took the bad and sad and angry parts of me, and replaced it with smooth rocks and cool water. I feel purged. Empty. and whole.

It also reminded me of what i love about the city, the opportunities and possibilities for improvement.

I am torn.