mad dash

sometimes, after an emotionally tough day, i just run. i tie my laces, don the sports bra, and dash out of my house. i hit the pavement, all the emotions and energy of the day coursing through me at once. i let my body pick the speed, and usually it is fast, with head high, arms and legs synchronous, a song like "Lost in the World" by Bon Iver and Kanye blaring in my ears. i lose myself in the movement, and let all the emotions rise up in me, and pound them out through the pavement.

tonight was such a run- it's not exactly cathartic physically- i can't sustain such dashing and sprinting, so i usually run until i feel sick, then walk a bit, then run again, until my limbs are limp. physically, no, this doesn't feel great- i prefer long runs at a steady pace. but emotionally, this is fantastic.

tonight i ran. i ran and sprinted and lifted my knees and my head to the heavens, and poured out my soul. as i ran i shed pounds of emotions, until i felt lighter than in a long time, and floated on the wind home. i sat by the lake and pondered things, and the muses touched me, phrases and ideas flitted through my mind. i let go to the bottom of the black lake all that i had carried through the day - all the stones and rocks that others had given me to carry, and i dropped them with a giant heave in the cold waters. free, i smiled the entire run home, and even chuckled to myself, thinking, of all the curious looks on the faces of passersby, i don't care what you think of me. i just, don't care.

life seems to be this balancing act of caring about others and then not caring. of deciding what is worthy to carry and what needs to be dropped.

tonight i dropped it all and flew home.