the winter depths

I always say that winter in Chicago is about survival. No, I'm serious. Winter will try to kill you. If you are not ready, if you are not bundled appropriately, you will die.

This struggle, this sharp inhalation of freezing cold oxygen, the bland and dull colors, it all gives me space to think, clarity to move about. There isn't the glaring sun of summer, the rush of color that assaults the senses when everything is green and blue and alive. Instead there is a quiet, a simplicity on the streets, gray and more gray and some pale blue, and the occasional sparkling of snow. My clothing three layers thick, my body is removed from the dead world, and I turn inwards for inspiration and the color that nature has bled out. I find in winter I am most calm, most creative, most alive. I am clear, I am not confused by the heat of the sun, the dazzling colors of the leaves, or the thick air. The crisp air sharpens my senses, and I move forward.


All that being said, my mind returns to those oh so hot summer runs, where everything in me and on me was on fire, when my muscles screamed for rest and my body poured sweat. When I looked out over the turquoise lake and drank in color and heat for months. What I would give in these winter depths, for one day of that hot mind-befuddling summer, with air so thick with moisture I could barely breathe. For heat pouring into me and out of me, for wearing the slightest clothing and being so meshed with the weather and the air and the lake.

But here, in the winter, I create my own heat and my own internal environment. Beauty has a different meaning, and survival is difficult. I am removed from the world, and it is good.

This past week, the first of 2011, I've planned my workout schedule, and narrowed down my resolutions. Here is my schedule:

Mon-rest
Tues- pilates
Wed- ballet
Thurs- pilates
Fri- swim
Sat- stretch and strength and hip hop
Sun- run

I am focusing on my abs and core for this month. In February I'll start my triathlon training schedule.

My resolutions, which were the hardest to decide upon this year, mainly because I have so much less this year to struggle for than last, and I think I am in a place so happy with who I am, and my life, that I see little need for vast improvements. This is a good thing, hard won. But, as always, there is room for perfection:

I want to draw every day.
I want to read the Bible every day.
I want to finish my research.
I want to get a car.

I will carry with me from 2010 the desire to do triathlons, and am in the midst of planning my tri's for 2011. I also want to continue to work at guitar and French- but French needs to come with my acquiring of a car. So I can practice in the car, naturally. And, as always, as long as I can move, ballet. So, the aforementioned list has the four things that I will try my hardest to cross off this year.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, man makes plans, and God laughs.

Boston post coming.