drain and a decision

I feel as though I've been going on empty for quite some time now- a trip home to sleep 14 hours three nights in a row may be in order, but I am trying to hold off as long as possible. The trouble with going on empty is that I resent my job more and more each day, when really, it is exactly what I wanted to do for the past three years. And that makes me quite sad that I can't enjoy it, but really, it is hard to enjoy anything when all one wants to do is curl into a ball and sleep for 14 hours.

I have absolutely enjoyed all the company I've been surrounded with lately, not the least, one of my college besties, Shannon. She has returned from 3 years in Munich, and included a visit to me in her winding trip home to Kansas City. It was splendid to spend this weekend with her.

I've found a new start with the new year to strive for more order in my life than I had last year. And by that I mean I am starting to push myself again, if that makes sense. Last year I just let go, most splendidly, but I set few goals and just focused on living, on surviving. I only really poured myself into the triathlon. But this year I am spurred to finish my research, if only to have to not pay tuition anymore. A couple thousand dollars here and there is quite a hard thing to swallow on my paltry artist's salary. I've also decided to go temporarily further into debt and purchase a car quite soon. I don't think I'll drive every day to work, especially in the summer when I will continue biking, but it will be necessary to visit my sister and parents and nearby friends. It really does make sense for my life.

In other news, I am contemplating running the Shamrock Shuffle race- an 8k- in April. I can do it with TNT, but I'll have to fundraise another 400 dollars. I'm pretty certain I can do this, but I haven't finished the leukemia cell paintings yet as I promised for my last fundraising prize. I have all the sketches roughed out and the frames bought and boxes saved for all 14 paintings, but not the actual painting finished yet. I feel like I need to get that done before I ask for more money. Then again, even if I fundraise half of the 400 I need to run the race with TNT, I should be able to swing the rest. It's for a good cause. But I also really have no spare time. I go back and forth on this. Give me your thoughts on what I should do!

That's all for today, I am going to bed even though it's only 9pm. Some days you just need to turn in early.

One last thing. Winter is such a lovely season.