when the rain comes, and it all pours down, and you're left with mud slick on your boots, with wet hair in your eyes, and a heavy fog in the air around you. with each slippery step try to discern where the hope could be in the fog, could possibly be. in the midst of all the unacceptable. what is there to hold on to? what is solid, after all?
did i know this would come? all along?
There are unacceptable things which I must learn to accept. deaths, disappointments, failures, and this relationship coming to an end. this relationship ending. this relationship ended. unacceptable. accept it. this will not weigh me down forever. time will do its thing, will move forward, and carry my shaky body with it, my anguished mind. and time will carry me into a better place, a better mind, a better being. and i will accept it. eventually. in small parts. in tiny fragments. in forgotten memories. in discarded gifts. in deleted emails. deleted phone number. deleted relationship. and the mud slick on my boots will be washed clean. and i will walk on. accept it.
bittersweet, these things.
And then there are the unacceptable things that can and should never be accepted... all around us. a 10 year old girl was beat up 2 blocks from my apt for crossing the street into gang territory. a man was shot 10 blocks from my apt in the middle of the day while going to the store. bombs in my beloved Boston, in OUR beloved Boston. the gentle academic city that i thought was a dream come true, where all my most important firsts happened. now blood on the streets. memorials, a part of the city forever. unacceptable.
someone clean up this city! someone make it right! I can't accept Chicago to go down like this, Old Town to disappear and to ring with gunshots. I refuse to accept it and i will do all i can to stop it. this is not how it should be. and it tears me apart.
the sun sets on the city, and covers our shame in strokes of gold. the lake shimmers in the sunrise, and hope grows all around us. we will be ok. we will see this night through to daylight. hold on.
the tone of this post strikes me in my heart.
ReplyDeleteyour words ring true.
i cannot tell you how many times i have felt utterly nauseated, how many times i have cried, all these broken things, broken people, broken situations....but i come to a place of acceptance, just like you. i hold on. just like you.
ah, perhaps this is being human, to feel nauseated and to cry in these situations... this is our humanity. this is a mark, a sign that we are still human, even when some of us seem to have forgotten what that is.
ReplyDeletei am glad you accept and hold on. so very glad!