and forward, despite

i find myself in tears nearly every night this week: sporting events make me cry. the Olympics, especially. and every day this week i've come home from work and turned on the Olympics, and watched people fulfill their life dreams, or not, and either way it's terribly moving and i always end up with a wet face.

and then there's the spare moments when i remember my grandma, and the fact that she's gone, and the last moments we had. and i think that the grief is finally moving in, making a home, and will probably stay awhile, until it is time for it to go again. and the tears trace their well worn path and leave me with a wet face, again.

and then there's songs like this. that could make me cry on the happiest day of my life.

i let the tears fall and the emotions roll. i let them move me to do things i otherwise wouldn't; to push send on an honest email, to spend an evening alone at the lake in the sand and take the long way home through the forests, to slow down. to take each moment and hold it a moment longer, examine it a bit more, and despite the allness of it all, to try again.