without calculation

this is where we differed, he and I
the caring of things
of people
I didn't think you should put a limit on caring for people
it's not an equation
if it were, the balance rarely evens out
but then, my burns in life had been first degree-
his went to the core-
for him it was an equation, an equal giving and receiving-
an always worrying who was ahead, who behind.
he had been burnt.

but caring without calculating for him taught me
that caring doesn't drain you or leave you empty,
the burns heal. it
doesn't destroy you when it's not returned
doesn't waste your time when it doesn't lead to forever
and the scariness and risk of it fades when you practice it-
caring fills you
carries you
and leaves you more whole, stronger,
practiced
to care for someone
else.

the equation of our stances [of our positions on caring]
between us was too great
the remainder was much to bear
we snapped under the difference
and became singular
and
he will go on calculating
living alone in his equations
i will go on risking
caring without calculating
my heart open wide,
giving everything
losing nothing
gaining everything.
back into the unknown.